Carol: Twelve Gross Days of Christmas by Bronwyn and Dan Soule, illustration by Robert McLysaght

On the first day of Christmas my brother gave to me one gigantic wedgy

 

On the second day of Christmas my brother gave to me two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

 

On the third day of Christmas my brother gave to me three paper cuts, two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

 

On the fourth day of Christmas my brother gave to me four farts on faces, three paper cuts, two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

 

On the fifth day of Christmas my brother gave to me five Chinese burns, four farts on faces, three paper cuts, two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

 

On the sixth day of Christmas my brother gave to me six disgusting belches, five Chinese burns, four farts on faces, three paper cuts, two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

 

On the seventh day of Christmas my brother gave to me seven bogey flicks, six disgusting belches, five Chinese burns, four farts on faces, three paper cuts, two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

12 gross days of christmas

On the eighth day of Christmas my brother gave to me eight earwax balls, seven bogey flicks, six disgusting belches, five Chinese burns, four farts on faces, three paper cuts, two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

 

On the ninth day of Christmas my brother gave to me nine dead arms, eight earwax balls, seven bogey flicks, six disgusting belches, five Chinese burns, four farts on faces, three paper cuts, two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

 

On the tenth day of Christmas my brother gave to me ten kicks in crotches, nine dead arms, eight earwax balls, seven bogey flicks, six disgusting belches, five Chinese burns, four farts on faces, three paper cuts, two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas my brother gave to me eleven squirming worms, ten kicks in crotches, nine dead arms, eight earwax balls, seven bogey flicks, six disgusting belches, five Chinese burns, four farts on faces, three paper cuts, two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas my brother gave to me twelve toenail clippings, eleven squirming worms, ten kicks in crotches, nine dead arms, eight earwax balls, seven bogey flicks, six disgusting belches, five Chinese burns, four farts on faces, three paper cuts, two black eyes and a gigantic wedgy

 

– End –

Daniel Soule

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Once Dan was an academic but the sentences proved too long and the words too obscure. Northern Ireland is where he now lives. But he was born in England and raised in Byron’s home town, which the bard hated but Dan does not. They named every other road after Byron. As yet no roads are named after Dan but several children are. He tries to write the kind of stories he wants to read and aims for readers to want to turn the page. Dan has a huge passion for middle grade fiction and helps to run STORGY KIDS. Bronwyn is Dan’s 10 year old daughter and they wrote the above together while on summer holiday this year.

 

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